My Prayers...

One thing that has amused me when I look back into past has been ‘The Prayers’ that I did. Ok, I have had a transition from an extremely religious person to a moderately religious and today an indifferent person…but even today when I pass a temple, church or a gurudwara I feel that it is my right to ask for a gift from God and I go ahead. As I have grown, my demands to God hv also changed. I dont remember when was the that first time when i chanted Chalisas or Aarti in front of God. But there is a particular way in which I talk to the Almighty. I just shoot the set of demands on Him and walk away.
The earliest demands to God that I remember I made, were for getting a doll, since all my friends had it and I didn’t . Then I started going to school, those days I remember I have a favourite teacher Ratna mam. I was particularly obsessive for her and always wanted to be around her…almost evrytime…. even in my summer holidays i went to her home once. I used to feel threatened when I saw someone getting appreciation from her or getting gud grades in homework in Social studies.

For years together during my early school days my opening sentences to God were’ Bhagwaan mein mam ki favorite student rahoon please’!!!! Don’t laugh…that’s true!! Not dolls, not money , not cars, not prince but a very innocent demand ??? Too much…when I look back at it.

Then followed the serious studying part of my journey where prayers were just about making it big in school. Nothing else. But there was time when I took break from praying….during class 12 or so. There was a sudden realization in me that everything is in my hands and chanting demands in front of God will not help. I just asked God for concentration in every thing I did. And still now i pray to Bhagwan ‘mein kisse ka galat na karoon ..’ . There was a sense of independence and a fear that I was responsible for all the bad or worse things that would happen to me since I really stopped asking God for anything.

What so ever…. Those years were the most revealing part of my life. I learnt to live without the comfort of ‘I have asked God’. I was growing!!
Its not that I didn’t return to God. Once in a while everyone faces situations where we know that things are not in our hands and some divine intervention is needed.

Sadly the prayers dnt exist now…..I realized that I dnt need to waste them on an unworthy cause. I realized I cannot disconnect myself from The Supreme Life Force. Its just that today I refuse to give it a form or accept it in some form…but The Universal Life Force exists.We all know that ‘God drives us’ to ‘God punishes us; and now to‘God just guides us’ I have travelled huge distances in my short life.